happy pants!


Is anything better than old magazines? Hell-OOOOO, I think not! I've had some astonishing great luck at tag sales this summer. I need an intern to post stuff (and get my cigar wet!) Either that, or one of you people ought to get on the ball and figure out how to "package" my shotgun approach to all this crap I do and I'll do it all day long!

This fabulous ad is from the fabulous December 1953 issue of True Story magazine. I got it for a DOLLAR Saturday when the World's Greatest Cook and I took a liesurely tour of Vermont tag sales. We also saw a naked man walking down the sidewalk in downtown Brattleboro. And we watched a cranky bitch waitress berate people at a diner where we ate lunch! It was great "theater" because she was not OUR waitress. Our waitress was sweet!

There are a couple more MUST POST things in this copy of True Story. Coming soon...
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I think I figured out why kamikaze chipmunks run out in front of the car:

They hear the savage beast rumbling toward them, and they cannot comprehend that it is limited to the road. They think it can run into the woods and get them! So they run for their hidey-hole, even if it means running directly in front of the beast.

Does that make sense?
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10 comments:

greg said...

You definitely won't see an ad for "Gay New Happy Pants" anymore. At least not in a family magazine.

James said...

That's a nice theory, about the chipmunks. The truth is they are happy-go-lucky creatures by nature. But what Bush has done to Iraq, and to the U.S. and to the world, has even affected them. That is no accident that they are running in front of cars. I mean, it's not like they have access to sleeping pills.

BonzoGal said...

Maybe we should invest in a program of Gay New Happy Pants for chipmunks?

Jed said...

I live in California, so saying you saw a "naked man" walking down the street is not adequately descriptive. It's like saying you saw a "bird" or a "street sign". What KIND of naked man? Please translate.

When I lived in Berkeley, there was the Naked Man on campus, who went to all his classes naked. There were the Naked People, who would celebrate nudity in the Be As Berkeley as You Can Be Parade, who always, for some reason, seemed kind of surly, not to mention, leathery. Then there were the miscelaneous Gay Pride Parade naked folk, some painted in a variety of colors, much like--well much like Gay Happy Pants!

Then of course there were other non-naked, but equally curious specimens of human fauna, like the Pink Man, the Eat Me Beat Me Man, The Hate Man, and when I lived in San Jose, The Clown Lady.

Now that I'm in Davis the street life is a little less colorful, but we still have our occassional bright spots, like the guy who built a trailer onto his bike, and sleeps in it. We also have the famous one and only flying car. http://www.moller.com/

BonzoGal said...

I live right smack up against Berkeley, and the Pink Man and Hate Man are still around, but the Naked Man is in jail on various drug charges. When commuting to work, I often see naked people driving on 101.

Mark Martin said...

I only saw him as we drove by, but he looked 60-ish, clean-cut, sane, height/weight proportionate, healthy, D/D-free, flabby butt, tanned, non-smoker, socialist, NPR listener.

SRBissette said...

NPR listener? I know that guy, and he's a Rush Limbaugh fan!

But what I wanna know is -- which diner?

Benny said...

Pumpie!
Surely you brought up ole Meateye* during the diner waitress display!

Diners and waitresses in New England can only mean Meateye.


*Meateye was the waitress at the Florence Diner that Pumpie and I had the pleasure of dining with. It would seem that somebody with a meat-like growth on his/her (P.C.!) eye would be friendly in order to compensate, but Meateye was very flat and matter of fact.
Then again, it's probably a defensive mechanism that a person would put up.
I feel like shit for even mentioning it, because the CRUX of the story is about somebody's deformity.
I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry.

Humbly,
Benny

Mark Martin said...

The mean waitress was at The Dam Diner. I have not seen Meateye for many many years.

SRBissette said...

Hunh! Damn Dam Diner!