HAM-FISTED TRUE ACTION ADVENTURE DRAMA FROM THE RUGGED WORLD OF GRAPHIC DESIGN!
Monday I was eating lunch on the patio at work. Chicken tortellini soup, garden salad with vidalia onion dressing, Lipton's iced tea. It was a REALLY nice day! And there's a really nice patio where I work!
Suddenly! DANGER! Sound of bug buzzing, feeling of bug falling down inside neckline of shirt! Jumping up! Waving arms! Co-worker Kelli looking like "Oh crap, am I going to have to do the heimlich maneuver?"
STOP! Nobody move... easy.... careful......
I couldn't feel anything and I thought it was all over. Kelli couldn't see anything and we thought it was all over. But just to make sure, I pulled my shirt tight against my back and asked Kelli if she saw anything crawling under the fabric.
WELL! She didn't SEE anything, but I FELT a small lump of moving chitin on my shoulder! Creepy!
My back tingled electricity as the creature's tiny spiny legs scrambled for purchase on my naked skin. I pulled my shirt out away from my body and shook, hoping to dislodge the beast, but it was no good. He was holding on for dear life!
There was nothing else I could do - I had to go in! Reaching underneath the back hem of my shirt, up under my t-shirt, I reached up... up... couldn't reach the little bastard!
Reaching behind my neck and going in from the top, my fingers found the invader at the bottom of my right shoulder blade. "Whew!" I breathed. "It's just a june bug! I can tell! It feels like a little june bug!"
I pulled the bug out to show it to Kelli and held before her eyes a BEE! I jumped and flung my hand spastically, my reflexes lightning fast! The tiny bee flew past Kelli's face and off into the trees. I calmly sat down and enjoyed the rest of my lunch, sharing my adventure with all who joined us as we ate, undisturbed by any more wild animals. The scent of man was now in the air, warning all wildlife "Stay away! You are no match for man!"
As I was going to take my lunch tray and dishes back to the cafeteria, I stopped to speak with co-worker Tara and her boyfriend Justin. "You have bird poop on your shirt!" exclaimed Tara.
"What?" I cried. "No way!" But close inspection confirmed our worst fears - Yes! There was bird poop on my shirt tail!
NOW WHAT? I raced to my cubicle, certain that I had a spare shirt in my desk drawer. But I did not! I know I had one there, but...
I looked in co-worker Rick's cubicle and there hung a shirt on the wall! A beautiful, clean, poop-free shirt! Of course Rick let me wear it the rest of the day. It's a jungle out there - but we're all very civilized where I work.
Later, I had to run upstairs and share with Tara the revelation that dawned on me: That bee was actually a Guardian Angel! If he had not caused me to rip my shirt tail out during lunch, there would have been bird poop on my PANTS! And NO clean pants hanging on co-worker Rick's wall!
You may think this is a happy ending, and you may think there is a sugar-coated all creatures great and small moral here. But there is not! For every Guardian Angel bee on the patio, there's a bird pooping in a chair. The life of a designer / illustrator is filled with danger!
And that's just the way I like it!